Bonnie Tharp Books
Throughout our lives we have to manage our expectations in order to keep from being disappointed or crushed or angry when some of them can’t possibly come true. But, although I’ve always wished I could fly around like Superman that’s not really the type of expectations I’m talking about.
We can’t help but have certain expectations in every situation. Many writers expect his/her work to improve and one day be published or shared with the masses. These days that is more doable than ever, with e-pubs, print-on-demand, and self-publishing as ready options.
With those we love, we often expect some appreciation and consideration both ways. When I got married almost forty-years-ago I thought I’d be the ultimate housewife, cook and mother. I dreamed of being so perfect at those jobs that my husband would sing my praises to the heavens. Well, neither ever happened. I’m a mediocre cook, a less than stellar house keeper, but I hope my son will agree I’m a good mom.
As for the expectation that hubby was Prince Charming, well, lets face it folks, life is not a fairy tale and people are not perfect. Roles change over time, due to economics or health or even just circumstances. You have to go with the flow, and he’s been really good at that over the years. Me, less so, but my expectations have changed to fit the life we lead.
To be honest, I’m having to learn a hard lesson right now. Not to expect too much from our children or grandchildren. We see ourselves as always being important to them, available to give hugs, cookies, or experienced advice. But they don’t always want it and don’t always welcome it. I always felt that family shared even the boring stuff, but most inquiries are met with just the opposite response. We have a generation of individuals whose expectations are unlimited. They wait for nothing. They want what they want when they want it. I heard someone call it the “entitlement generation.”
We parents and grandparents have fed it. Many of us struggled when we were kids and watched our parents unable to make financial ends meet. We wanted things to be easier for our kids. I believe it’s backfired on us and their expectations often out weigh what we would deem reasonable. My husband says “we are better off not expecting anything at all,” so that when something comes we’re happy, surprised, grateful and enriched. He’s right, but my expectations are still one of receiving as well as giving. A hug. A flower. A call or text. A hand with the dishes. An occasional thoughtful gesture that says “I’m thinking about you” or “I love you.” I truly believe “the little things” are the most important and fulfilling. Hugs. Smiles. A purple weed picked by small fingers and given from the heart, are what is real to me. It’s what I still hope for.
My dream of retiring early to write full time isn’t a realistic expectation right now. I’m not alone in that dream, either, I’ve heard many of my writing friends express the same. We expect to be healthy enough to travel or do some of the fun things when and if we retire, but often health or the economy prevent it from happening quite like we expect. My father-in-law died less than a year before he planned to retire.
Life really is short and goes by very quickly. So, I’ll reassess some of my expectations and see if I can’t make today happier and not spend my time waiting on tomorrow. How about you?